Music Monday: Joy

My original intention with Music Mondays was for it to appear on a fairly regular basis.  My apologies for that not happening, but it is not going away altogether.  I never want to force content.  Instead, I prefer to wait until I have the time to share about a song that really means something to me.  That being said, the second installment is here!

"Joy" is a song that I first heard a month or two ago.  At the time, I was struggling with various things going on in my life and my mind.  As soon as the song began, I let down some of the walls that I so carefully erect in my mind to keep a semblance of order to my thoughts.  The lyrics in the song and the sincerity with which they are sung gave me peace.  Even though I felt that I was unraveling, it was important for me to acknowledge what I was facing.  I needed that song to tell me that I wasn't alone in what I was facing.  As I listened to each word, I found that each one perfectly fit the emotions that were rolling through me.    

In the past week, I've been reminded of some of those struggles.  My roommate and I have been continually repeating the phrase "Life is hard."  When I feel this way, it's difficult for me to feel God's joy in my life.  I get stuck in a place that's hard to describe and even harder to get out of.  Last Monday was the first day of classes for yet another year of my college experience.  For many, syllabus week is considered easy, but for someone with anxiety that is simply not the case.  I'm not going to lie, the first two days were difficult.  It got better from there, but those days reminded me once again of this song.

This got a little heavy, but I won't leave it at that and neither does this song.  Despite all of the hard things we go through in life, it is a comfort to know that God is right beside us.  He somehow allows us to have joy through the most difficult of circumstances.  Because of that, I will proclaim His greatness through each trial that I face.  Even when I don't feel joy, even when life is hard, it is well with my soul.

"Joy"

by Page CXVI

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
down in my heart down in my heart 
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy 
down in my heart down in my heart 

And I'm so happy so happy so very happy 
And I'm so happy so happy so very happy 
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy 
down in my heart down in my heart 
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy 
down in my heart down in my heart 
And I'm so happy so happy so very happy 
And I'm so happy so happy so very happy 

And I can't understand 
and I can't pretend 
that this will be alright in the end 
so I'll try my best 
and lift up my chest 
to sing about this... joy, joy joy! 

When peace like a river attendeth my way 
when sorrows like sea billows roll 
whatever my lot 
thou has taught me to say 
it is well, it is well, with my soul

An Abundance of Grace

Last summer was a busy one for me.  I traveled to multiple states and learned a lot through my experiences.  This summer has been more calm, so I want to take some time to reflect on what God has been teaching me these past few months.  Having all those new experiences last year was great, and God really used those to shape me.  However, He has also used the calm of this summer to teach me some valuable lessons.

Back in June, I began reading "The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee.  I really enjoyed this book and all that it taught me about myself and my relationship with God.  Also, I now realize that this book was perfectly placed in my life.  What I mean is that God placed it in my path at just the right time to teach me something that I might have missed at another point in my life.  When I began reading this book, I was also just starting a new job for the summer.  I was getting caught up in a lot of guilt over not doing things right at my job.  I felt that I needed to perform perfectly in order to be accepted by my coworkers.  Additionally, I felt that perfection had to be achieved in order to feel good about myself.  My mind was operating in a dangerous and unhealthy way. 

Truth began to seep into my mind and overtake the unhealthy thoughts as I read what McGee had to say.  He mentions multiple times in the book that we are fully pleasing to God.  This concept was a difficult one for me to grasp.  How can sinners be "fully pleasing"?  I wanted to fight back and tell God all of the reasons that I am not fully pleasing.  However, as I began my argument, I felt God pushing back.  I heard Him telling me to stop fighting the truth.  I am, we are, fully pleasing to Him because we have been made righteous by accepting Jesus.

When God began to fight back, I began to listen.  I realized that my view of myself is not always correct.  Just because it's my opinion does not make it right.  This began a new way of thinking about myself.  I had to start resisting my own unhealthy thoughts and accepting the healing words of God.  Even when I messed up at work, I had to tell myself that everything was okay.

God's grace (unmerited favor) is so much bigger than my imperfections.  It covers the large and the small mistakes.  It covers the intentional and unintentional sins.  His grace has no limit.  While I understood that before, I had trouble applying it to my life.  I struggled with giving myself grace.  To be honest, I still struggle with giving myself grace.  In the society we live in, grace isn't natural.  We are told that every action has a consequence.  In no way am I saying that we have a free pass to sin, but I am saying that love and grace need to be the basis of our approach when we find that we have sinned.  So, in response to God's abundant grace for us, go and be gracious remembering to love God, love others, and love yourself.

Confession #3: Grace isn't always easy